Breathe, I'm sorry
by Yuri Namikaze1
Summary: Naruto and Itachi have been doing this for a while, but it's time to finally come to terms with what exactly this all means, and what it could lead to if it keeps going. So, is the risk worth it? It all comes down to one question. (ItaNaru, Itachi/Naruto) M for adult themes, language, and events.


**Breathe,** **I'm** **sorry**

It's the 15th of December. The new year will be here soon, and he can't help but wonder if he'll be bringing in the new year with his same old filthy habits. Fucking Uchiha Itachi is not something a loyal Leaf ninja should be doing, but here he is for the umpteenth time lying on his back with his legs spread open for the murdering elder Uchiha brother. Naruto knows it's wrong. He told himself he would put a stop to this months ago, but even now, he can't seem to tell the man above him to stop.

So, he closes his eyes and wraps his arms around the Uchiha, bringing him closer. He rests his chin on Itachi's shoulder as Itachi pounds into him again and again. The embrace is not for comfort or because he can't keep up. No, it's so he doesn't have to look his demons in the face while they fuck him raw. It's so he doesn't have to look into the eyes of the man he knows he's betraying his village and best friend for. A man who is definitely unworthy of what would be sacrificed if anyone were to find out and yet… instead of telling him to stop, Naruto tells him to go faster and deeper.

It's wrong. It's so wrong, but it feels too good to stop now. Naruto isn't sure if he'll ever be able to stop. He knows not when the day will come — if it will ever come — that he will tell Uchiha Itachi "no", but he knows it's nowhere in his future as of yet.

For as long as he can, he will keep this secret and burn himself alive from the inside out with it. The guilt and self-loathing will tear him apart, but he will endure it. He will keep coming back to this bed and laying down for this man, because what else is he supposed to do? He loves Itachi. He hadn't meant for it to happen, but he loves Itachi more than anything. And who does Itachi love? Sasuke. All Itachi cares about is Sasuke. He doesn't care about Naruto, or his feelings, or what will happen to the blonde jinchuriki if they're caught. No, all he cares about is Sasuke.

Maybe, Naruto thinks, if Itachi loved him, if he'd always have Itachi in heart, he could deal with losing everything else. But he doesn't have the elder Uchiha and he never will, but Itachi has him and he will never let go. He's sexy, smart, cunning and manipulative. Naruto could never hope to win a mind game against someone like that. He can only hope that his love will rub off on Itachi, and cause the Uchiha to feel something for him too, but it never does. It probably never will.

Naruto lets a tear fall from his eye as Itachi finishes inside him, and he releases all over his stomach. This has happened too many times. It's time it stopped, but Naruto says nothing as Itachi licks him clean. Once the Uchiha finishes, Naruto doesn't tell him to leave; he pulls him closer. Itachi hugs Naruto, holds the blonde to his chest. Naruto kisses his peck, and he whispers, "I love you." Itachi kisses his head in response, but Naruto knows better than to assume it to be a confirmation of Itachi's love as well.

He use to think it was exactly that, but he has learned now it is nothing more than a mind game, an illusion. It's a lie. But Itachi doesn't like lies, he never outright lies to anyone, but he will let you assume whatever you like for as long as you like. Naruto use to think he just didn't like saying the words, so he'd show it instead. After all, Itachi touched him like he loved him, and when they had sex, it felt like Naruto was the only thing Itachi cared about in the whole world. Itachi is kind to him and gives him gifts to show affection. But all it took was one afternoon where Naruto decided to ask, why Itachi didn't like saying those three words. To which the Uchiha had responded, he didn't mind saying them at all. Naruto had been taken aback, so he asked why Itachi never said them back, and Itachi looked him in the eyes and said, "Because I don't love you."

Since then, Naruto had been trying to gain his love in anyway possible, but it was futile. The elder Uchiha would never feel the same. "Why don't you love me?" Naruto whispers, pecking the Uchiha's neck this time. He'd never actually asked. To be honest, he'd always been afraid of the answer, but today, he wanted to know. _Why?_ What made him so unlovable?

"Must you always ask things that will hurt you?" Itachi asks of him, kissing his head again. The eldest Uchiha was referring to all the times Naruto had asked if he'd loved him. The blonde had wanted to see if they were progressing at all, but they never were. The answer was always a simple, "No".

"Just answer the question." Naruto demanded. He could already feel himself trembling, afraid of what was to come.

Itachi rubs his back gently, attempting to soothe the blonde. "I don't want you to cry." Itachi tells him. "I don't like seeing you cry, and I don't like being the cause of it. You're too beautiful for tears, Naruto-chan."

Now, now Naruto knows what will come next will not only hurt — it will be devastating. Naruto shakes his head, willing away the fear. He needs to hear this, maybe then the he can finally understand why he needs to let Itachi go. "Please, just tell me."

"There is no room in my heart for anyone else. I do not love you, because I can't love you. You would only complicate things, so I have closed my heart off to you." Itachi explains. He doesn't sugarcoat it, and he doesn't say it softly. But when he's finished, he kisses Naruto's head and pulls the curling blonde closer to his chest. "Shh, it's alright." Itachi soothes, but Naruto can't help the tears. Everything about this man screams "I love you too". But it's not there and it never will be, Naruto doesn't understand it at all.

"I'm sorry. You were right. I wasn't able to handle it." Naruto says a while later. It's after he's stopped crying. After he's managed to pick up the pieces of his heart, then stick them back together. It's an irreconcilable mess, but it's his mess to deal with. It isn't Itachi's fault that he stayed so long and got too attached. Itachi had warned him in the beginning not to, but Naruto thought they were falling together. Had he known he was taking a solo dive, he would've ran before he got crushed.

Itachi kisses his head then his lips. "It's okay. I don't like to see you cry, but I'd hate it more if you held it in. Part of what I like about you is your blatant show of emotions. You're unlike any Uchiha. You're perfect and untarnished." Itachi tells him, but Naruto doesn't hear the compliment. He just hears the word "like" not "love". He scoots impossibly closer to Itachi and gives the Uchiha a peck on the cheek.

"Do you think I could hear it? Just this once before you go? I know it isn't real but—"

Itachi stops Naruto's rambling with a kiss to the blonde's lips. The Uchiha deepens the kiss and wraps his arms around Naruto. When they both break for air, Itachi cups Naruto's cheek with his hand. He looks into two beautiful pools of blue, and he says what Naruto has been longing to hear. "I love you."

Naruto really did think it would make him feel better; that his heart would swell up with love at the words, but it only made tears come to his eyes. It wasn't real. The words were empty, a lie. Naruto feels cold, his body grows numb. He scoots away from Itachi until he's at the edge of the bed. Then, he closes eyes as the tears fall, and he runs to the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind him.

Itachi is there in a second, on the other side of the door. "Naruto—"

"Just go, please." Naruto's voice came from within the bathroom muffled and full of pain. "I've never had the strength to tell you this before, and I don't think I'll have it again. So, I need you to hear me. You obviously don't love me, and this fling isn't worth my best friend or my village. So, please, go and don't come back anymore, okay? _Please,_ I'm begging you."

"Okay, I won't. I apologize; I didn't mean to hurt you, Naruto." Itachi says softly. Naruto doesn't respond, only sniffles and hiccups are heard. "I'm sorry for lying to you for so long. I only did what I thought was best." Itachi tells him. His hand lands softly on the door before it slides down and away from it altogether. "Farewell, I wish we could've had more time together." Naruto hears him leave, but he says nothing as he listens to the sound of the Uchiha's footsteps fading away. There's the sound of the window opening, and Naruto knows he's gone for good.

Later that morning, Naruto lays in his bed, surrounded by Itachi's scent as he mulls over the last words the eldest Uchiha had said to him. Itachi had never outright lied, except for when Naruto had asked him to say those three words, so what could he have meant when he said for so long? Unless… Naruto sat up in his bed and looked at the still open window that Itachi had gone from. Did Itachi love him back? Had he been lied to the whole time? Naruto ran his hands through his hair repeatedly. Why'd he have to admit it now and in the worst way possible?!

Naruto couldn't help it; he screamed. He screamed until his throat became so raw and overworked that he couldn't even breathe without wheezing. And then he fell back on his bed, tears streaming down his face, yet no noise escaped his throat. Love or not, Itachi was gone, and he wasn't coming back.

 **Review please! :)**


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